IR and the Two Cows: The Middle East Version

Esteemed Readers,

I assume that many of you are familiar with the two cow jokes in our discipline. Yep, the famous socialist cows, communist cows, American cows, German cows, French cows, etc... Here is a quick reminder: in the British version, you have two cows and both are mad...:)

Here is the Middle East version of this staple joke. It just came out in Foreign Policy magazine. I applaud the author for his wit, sense of humor and his ability to offend all parties equally.

Enjoy!

Iran:
You have two cows. You interrogate them until they concede they are Zionist agents. You send their milk to Southern Lebanon and Gaza, or render it into highly enriched cream. International sanctions prevent your milk from being bought on the open market.

Syria:
You have five cows, one of whom is an Alawite. Feed the Alawite cow well, beat the non-Alawite cows. Use the milk to finance your wife's shopping sprees in London.

Iraq:
You have three cows: one Sunni, one Shiite, and one Kurd. The first is milked by Saudi Arabia, the second by Iran, and the third smuggles its milk abroad. The United States picks up the manure.

Yemen:
You have two cows. Feed them khat instead of grass and neglect to milk them. Watch them fight each other.

Libya:
You have two cows. You wish they were camels. Feed them only your words of wisdom and kill them if they dare moo.

Hosni Mubarak's Egypt:
You have 10 cows. Neglect to tend to them, but prevent them from fighting Israel in order to get milk from America.

Post-Mubarak Egypt:
You have 10 cows who think they now own the farm. There's still no milk.

Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali's Tunisia:
You have two cows. Beat them regularly and use the milk money for you wife's shopping sprees in Paris. When cows revolt, retire to Saudi Arabia.

Post-Ben Ali Tunisia:
See post-Mubarak Egypt.

Qatar:
You have one cow that has hundreds of udders. You use the limitless milk money to set up a television channel that broadcasts to other cows in the region being milked (except Saudi Arabia's)

United Arab Emirates:
You have two cows. You bring Filipino nannies, South Asian laborers, and Russian prostitutes to make sure they're well taken care of. Sell the milk to build the world's biggest shopping mall.

Turkey:
You have two cows and one sheep. You claim that the sheep is really a "mountain cow".

Israel:
You have two bulls. Pretend they are helpless calves.


Fore more countries and the full version of the article, click here